Features

Coaches: Communicating with your athletes’ parents

By: Kendy Vierling, Ph.D.

Communicating with parents requires special skills on your part as a youth coach — skills such as attentive listening, consideration, empathy, enthusiasm, and an understanding of parent-child relationships. The key to communicating effectively with parents is to communicate continually throughout the season, do not only contact parents when there is a behavioral problem with the child.   Try to establish a rapport and relationship with the parents early in the season so that communication is easier throughout the rest of the season.

It is important for coaches to remember that parents may be very sensitive when coaches are talking about their young athletes. In addition, the children may behave quite differently at practice when their parents are not in attendance compared to when the children are in the presence of their parents. Therefore, it is important to plan not only where coaches will talk to the child and parents, but also what specifically coaches are going to say to them and how coaches will say it. Coaches should try to be sincere, empathetic, and non-confrontational when speaking to the parents.  Always keep the child’s best interest in mind when communicating and try to always speak in a pleasant and kind tone voice, yet still convey confidence regarding your expertise as an instructor or coach. 

Below are some tips that may assist coaches when communicating with the parents of young athletes to promote a positive youth sport experience.

• It is important to have a positive attitude when communicating.  A coach’s attitude is often conveyed in both verbal and non-verbal ways.  Keep in mind that:
  • Parents may have a different perspective of the child than you do.
  • Most parents really care about and love their children.
  • There may be cultural differences and misunderstandings.
  • There may be other family pressures or issues involved that you are currently unaware of that affect the child.
    
    
• Recognize that coaches and parents have shared goals. Both coaches and parents are committed to developing and educating children.  Coaches should understand that parents have an essential role in their children's athletic skill development and involve the parents in the children’s sport experience.
  
  
• Respect parents and be sure to communicate that respect to them. The tone of voice, word choice, facial expressions, body language, written language, and even how long coaches make parents wait to speak with them all communicate respect- or lack of it.  Therefore, try to return phone calls or emails promptly and courteously. When in doubt as to how to proceed, try to treat others as you would like to be treated if you were in their situation.
  
• Have patience with parents and look to resolve issues when possible.  Many parents have personal, family, work, health, or other issues that coaches may not be aware of. Therefore, if a parent is occasionally late dropping off or picking up the child, try to be patient with the parent while you find out more information about the situation.  However, if a parent is chronically late dropping off or picking up a child from practice, a coach may look to resolve the issue by suggesting that parents arrange a carpool with other interested parents to help distribute the driving responsibilities.  Again, be sure to approach the subject carefully because the parent may be stretched with other commitments and is doing the best that he/she can.  However, a carpool arrangement may help the transportation situation for many parents of the team who are trying to balance work, family commitments, and their child’s after-school activities.  In addition, carpooling may help ensure that the children attend practice regularly and arrive/leave practice at the prearranged times.
  
  
• Give consistent, positive updates to parents about the young athlete.   Although most parents enjoy being updated about their child’s progress, many coaches only contact a parent when there is a behavioral problem.  Keep parents regularly informed with phone calls, simple newsletters, e-mails, blogs, or meetings. If you prefer to communicate by phone, keep in mind that parents generally welcome voice mail messages sharing good news about their child.  However, if you would like to discuss a particular problem and the parent does not answer the phone, it is better to leave a brief, courteous message asking for the parent to return your phone call.  Then, discuss the issue with the parent over the phone when he/she returns your phone call. 
  
  
• It is best to arrange a meeting with the parents and child if there is a disciplinary problem so that communication is clear and there are not misunderstandings.  Try to arrange this meeting at a time other than immediately after a practice or game, when you may be distracted by the needs of other players or when emotions may be high.  This meeting will provide you with an opportunity to also discuss the child’s progress and successes prior to discussing the areas of concern that you have. 
  
  
• Think about the possible consequences of your words on the parents and athlete before you say them.  When communicating during your meeting with the child’s parents, keep your comments specific, focusing on the behavior that you would like to change.  If you have behavioral concerns about the child, try to address the issue by giving positive examples of behavior prior to examples of negative, problem behaviors.  Try to always give the child specific behaviors to improve upon so that the child and parents know exactly what behaviors need to be changed, how to change them, and why they need to be changed.  Do not engage in personal attacks or name-calling, even if the parents or child engages in this behavior.  When concluding the conversation, check for understanding by asking the child to explain what behavior needs to be changed and the reason(s) why.  Keep the concluding comments positive and encouraging so that the child knows that he/she is still an important part of the team.  Try to address any questions that the child or parents may have, and end the meeting with a positive, specific comment to encourage the child.
  
  
  • An example situation would be a child who throws a baseball bat toward the dugout in anger.  The coach may open the meeting by highlighting behaviors that show good sportsmanship and that he/she would like to encourage, such as the child telling other teammates “Good catch” or that the child always hustles during practice.  Then, the coach may discuss with the child and parents that the child any problem behaviors, such as that the child should not throw the baseball bat.  The coach should explain that throwing a baseball bat is not only unsportsmanlike behavior and against the league rules, but that it endangers the wellbeing of other players because another player may be hit by the bat and become injured. Explain that as a coach, you are responsible for the wellbeing of ALL players and that you need to ensure that all of the children obey the safety rules to help prevent injuries.  The coach should then explain that you would prefer that the player places the bat down on the ground or in a specific place leaning against the dugout fence to prevent injury to other players.  Address any questions that the parents or child may have and end the meeting with a positive comment, such as “Rebecca is a fantastic pitcher and addition to our team.  I am very optimistic that if she adheres to these safety rules, we will have a great remainder of the season.”
    
    
• Have an opening team meeting before the season begins and follow the meeting up with a welcome call to each child’s parent.  Introduce yourself, explain the team/league rules and expectations in a positive way, safety guidelines, and answer any questions that they may have.  During this meeting, try to establish good rapport with the parents and address any questions that they may have to prevent later misunderstandings.  Although it takes extra time to arrange a team meeting and follow the meeting up with a welcome call, the time that you spend now will be a big help later on.  Parents may not want to speak up with questions in front of the group of other parents or may think of specific questions after they leave the meeting.  Try to encourage parents to communicate with you either by phone or email because not only will this show that you care about their child, but this will help you be a better coach for their children because you will gain a clear perspective into the child’s environment and circumstance.

For more information about communicating with young athletes, contact the AIA Academy at (602) 861-6198 or contact@aiaacademy.org to schedule a coach education clinic for your youth organization.