Parents: Communicating with your young athlete

By: Kendy K. Vierling, Ph.D.

It is important that each child develops a positive self-concept and the ways that parents communicate with their children can be instrumental in how a child perceives him/herself.  Children learn by their experiences and how others respond to them.   Participating in sports can be a great way for children to learn about whom they are, have fun, interact with their peers, and develop physical skills.  Sports can also be a great vehicle for parents to cultivate a positive, supportive relationship with their child that encourages the child to develop skills while recognizing each child’s uniqueness. 

Below are some tips that may be helpful in communicating with your child that promote a positive self-concept and maximize the youth sport experience:

• Encourage a positive attitude with positive verbal and non-verbal communication.  Adults communicate their attitudes towards children in both verbal and nonverbal ways.  For example:
  
  
  • A parent’s body language and behavior can communicate a great deal to the child.  Parents can show a positive attitude towards their child non-verbally with a simple smile, wink, by playing or practicing with their children, patting the child on the back, or giving a “thumbs up” signal. 
    
    
  • Parents can show a positive attitude toward their child verbally by giving positive comments to the child, coaches, and either team.
    
    
    
    • Be sure that these comments are specific and praise the child’s effort.  For example, instead of saying “Nice job out there,” you could say “You really hustled after that ball and did a good job keeping the runner on second” or “Great job- I liked the way that you supported your teammates out there and encouraged them!”
      
      
    • Instead of asking your child, “Did you win?”  Start the conversation by asking, “How did you play?”   This simple open-ended question can allow your child to explain his/her experience to you and emphasize the process of participating in sport, not just the outcome of the game. 
      
       
  • The ride home from the game or practice can be an important time to nurture the relationship between you and your child.  If each of the child’s actions on the field is later deconstructed by his/her parents in the car, then the child might not only dread the ride home, but the comments might lead to a loss in the child’s confidence.
    
    
• Trust the coach to give instructions during the game. 
  Save any “tips” or “instructions” that you would like to give the child for after the game, when you are alone with your child and away from teammates.   Do not coach from the stands and yell instructions to the child, this will likely confuse the child because he/she will also be trying to listen to the coach and focus on playing.  Saving your comments until after the game will also prevent the child from being embarrassed in front of his/her peers.  Think about the possible consequences of your words on your child before you say them.  Then, keep your comments positive and encouraging while emphasizing what the child has done well.
  
  
• Demonstrate through your actions the importance of treating your child, other athletes, parents, coaches, and officials with respect at all times.  Show your child that you care by helping the coach when help is needed, staying positive, limiting criticism, showing enthusiasm, and demonstrating concern.  Teach your child through your actions what behaviors are appropriate.
  
  
• Accept your child for who he/she is and what the child is capable of doing.  Each child is a unique individual, with different talents and abilities.  A child is not a miniature adult- he/she is still developing.  If your child does not look like a professional athlete or has had the same experiences as a professional athlete, do not expect him/her to understand the game or play like a professional athlete.  When appropriate, inform the coach of any personal or health issues that your child is experiencing that may affect his/her behavior.
  
  
• Emphasize that enjoying the experience of participating in sport is far more important than the outcome of the game or winning/losing.   Adults tend to emphasize the end products, rather than the process.  So, when adults attend a game, they tend to emphasize points, hits, goals, or winning.  Try to see the “big picture” and focus on the process of competition, developing skills, and making new friends, not on the outcome of the game or the opponent.  When a child participates in sports with a positive attitude and receiving positive communication from adults, their experiences will be much more satisfying.  If a child has positive sport experiences, he/she would be more likely to continue to want to participate in sports.  

For more information about communicating with your young athlete, contact the AIA Academy at (602) 861-6198 or contact@aiaacademy.org to schedule a parent education clinic for your youth organization.